halloween & declarations

First order of business:
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I hope tonight you have lots of fun & get fat eating lots of candy.

Second order of business:
On this day, the thirty-first of October, in the year of two-thousand and eight, I hereby declare that I will abstain from partaking of the evil liquid substance otherwise known as "Dr. Pepper" for the remainder of this year.

Wait. Let me think about this. Maybe just until the end of November. NO! This year. That's such a long time though...ok fine. The end of this year.

Starting....NOW.
If you see me with a Dr. Pepper anytime soon punch me in the nose. That'll get me to stop. It's like Pavlov's dogs, anytime I see that evil drink I'll run in fear.

oh geez

Is it super lame that part of me (ok, a lot of me) wants to see this this weekend?

Actually, don't answer that.

I mostly likely won't be seeing it anyway, because the only thing lamer than seeing it opening weekend is seeing it opening weekend by yourself. Which is what I would have to do since no one my age is lame like me.

(Unless one of you want to see it with me, in which case you are not lame. I was just saying that to trick the HSM-haters. So hit me up.)

UPDATE. Ya, so I did see it. I made my sister come with me & I even paid for her. Even though she said that she hated High School Musical. Several times. But I know she secretly loved it.

Was it worth it? No way. No movie is worth $20 flipping bucks! Geez la weez. No wonder I never go to the movies. But it did have some SERIOUSLY awesome musical productions. The dancing? Amazing. I won't even talk about the plot, but seriously, is that really why people watch these movies in the first place? I think not. (p.s., I'm so not a Zac Efron lover, but DANG)

nasty keyboards

I may be a little bit OCD when it comes to keyboards.

Whenever I use a public computer I always have to check the cleanliness of the keyboard before using it, and most of the time it's ok. This is because I usually only use public computers at ASU, and for the most part they keep them pretty clean.

However, I work in Chandler as a nanny, so when I have a little extra time before I have to get the boys I go to the library to use the computer (as I am now, hence the reason for this blog).
At this particular library, ALL of the keyboards are nasty. Like, super greasy looking nasty. It sicks me out and I kind of want to vomit if I think about it too much. I always scout out every available computer for the cleanest keyboard, but they're all the same.

So today I did what I often do at home: I cleaned it out. And this isn't exactly a quiet or discreet process. It involves scraping through all of the spaces between the keys, blowing out dust and junk, and shaking it upside down to get out the chunky pieces. And remember, I'm in a library. Oh, I'm sure people stared and thought I was a crazy person, but at least I have a semi-clean keyboard. And now I am happy.

another great song

Project Playlist is lame & doesn't have this song, but I love it.

So go here

one step at a time

This song was written for me, and is basically my life's motto at the moment.

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen when it's
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen when it's
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
When you need to find the strength
It's your faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

a tragedy

I knew the economy was sliding down the crapper lately, but I didn't know it was this bad. IT TOOK FAZOLI'S FROM ME. Now it's gone too far.

I noticed that a lot of Fazoli's closed down lately, so I decided to check out the ultimate source of all sources, Wikipedia, and found out there are no longer any locations in all of Arizona. This is worse than when Krispy Kreme closed. In fact, that doesn't even compare to this! What is the world coming to?? Fazoli's was MY PLACE! Who else gives you baked ziti with meat sauce, unlimited breadsticks and a soft drink for only 2.99?? (kid's meal, in case you were wondering).

You may not see me for awhile because I'll be busy holding a funeral service for my best friend.

Oh Fazoli's, you had a significant impact on my life. We shared many happy memories together, and you were always there for me when I was having a bad day and needed a little comfort. You will be missed, but not forgotten. Forever in my heart you will remain. Goodbye.

time for change

Ok, so my blog is in need of some serious renovation. I've been having boring posts, and even though I thought my previous layout was cute, it was much too dull. And as some of you may have noticed, I don't have any of my recent posts published anymore. I just wasn't feelin 'em, and I want my blog to be a happy place, not a whiny, boring place.

Lately the pledging has been keeping me busy, but it's something that I'm definitely learning from. If I didn't have an essay to write tonight then I'd post pictures of the recent happenings, but that will come soon. I'm the historian for the pledge class, so I have quite a few pictures :) Even though it's been fun, I'll be glad when it's over!

So anyway...On to the fun stuff.

If any of you go on YouTube very often, then you've probably heard of the Fred videos that are always going around. And as much as I don't want to admit it, I think they're kind of hilarious, in an annoying way. If you don't know what I mean, watch this:

And if that's not for you, then watch this:

Oh how I love youtube.

love hate relationships

+I love dried mangos
-I hate overdosing on them

+I love having free time
-I hate wasting it

+I love shopping
-I hate spending money

+I love Zachary Levi
-I hate that he's not my lover

+I love food
-I hate that I can't eat as much of it as I want

+I love driving
-I hate how much it costs to be able to do so

+I love school
-I hate homework and tests

+I love doing creative things
-I hate how long it takes me to be creative

+I love loving
-I hate hating

it's been a hard last few weeks

My whole life I've had a system for getting things done.

It's called, "Do Just Enough to Get By and then Have Lots of Fun and Waste Lots of Time"
It worked for me.
In high school, the people with straight A's were the ones who were dedicated and super involved and had no social life. Except me.
I'd get all of my assignments done, but not until midnight the night before. I'd always think to myself, "Why did I procrastinate so much?? If I had started this earlier it'd be SO much better! Ugh!" But I kept doing it because it worked. I'd get the A, and all would be well.

But now here I am, in college with no sense of time management or work ethic. Sure, I know how to work hard when I need to, but I do whatever I can to cut corners and make life easier. I'm not proud of this. But how do you change a lifetime habit? One that has seemed to work for so long?

I knew I needed to change this and decided to get more involved, which is why I decided to pledge the fraternity. It's been such a crazy experience and I've grown a lot from it, but it opened up a whole can of worms in terms of how I feel about myself. As it was I had a pretty low self-esteem, but it's been tested to the max the past few weeks. I've felt inadequate, unintelligent, incapable, and completely unsuited for the business world. On top of that, I have major issues with being afraid of messing up, so that has been something I've had to deal with a lot.

But I decided that I am NOT going to let those feelings get the best of me. It's times like these that shape us, and conference couldn't have come at a better time. One talk stood out to me the most, and here's part of it:

To me it appears that our splendid sisters sometimes undervalue their abilities—they focus on what is lacking or imperfect rather than what has been accomplished and who they really are.

I believe that as you are faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, as you draw closer to Him in faith, hope, and charity, things will work together for your good. I believe that as you immerse yourselves in the work of our Father—as you create beauty and as you are compassionate to others—God will encircle you in the arms of His love. Discouragement, inadequacy, and weariness will give way to a life of meaning, grace, and fulfillment.

-Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I'm grateful that I have the church to lean on when I need it. It's provided me with comfort during times when I thought it was impossible. I know the hard times will keep rolling in, but at least I know it's for a reason. I can overcome my bad habits, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy. I have the Lord on my side.

revelation

I want to be a wedding planner and make wedding cakes. There. I've just decided what I want to do for the rest of my life.

Now I just need to figure out where the heck to start.

All I know is that a 9-5 finance job is not for me.

limbo

The past few weeks have definitely not been easy for me, in many ways. I've been physically, emotionally, & spiritually exhausted to extremes that I don't think I've ever reached before. Ok, maybe not the physically part, but yes for the other two. I feel like I've improved so much, but there are still tons of things I need to work on and it's discouraging.

I think the hardest thing for me has been friend-wise. I guess I'm the type of person that usually has just one or two best friends that I hang out with all the time, with a bunch of acquaintances on the side. I'm not sure why this is, because I've always wanted a big group of friends, but it never happens. Anyway, lately I've been feeling really lonely. I don't have that best friend, a safety net. I have friends that I do stuff with, but not one that I can share everything with. One that I know will be there for me if I need them.