Monday, October 13

it's been a hard last few weeks

My whole life I've had a system for getting things done.
It's called, "Do Just Enough to Get By and then Have Lots of Fun and Waste Lots of Time"
It worked for me.
In high school, the people with straight A's were the ones who were dedicated and super involved and had no social life. Except me.
I'd get all of my assignments done, but not until midnight the night before. I'd always think to myself, "Why did I procrastinate so much?? If I had started this earlier it'd be SO much better! Ugh!" But I kept doing it because it worked. I'd get the A, and all would be well.

But now here I am, in college with no sense of time management or work ethic. Sure, I know how to work hard when I need to, but I do whatever I can to cut corners and make life easier. I'm not proud of this. But how do you change a lifetime habit? One that has seemed to work for so long?

I knew I needed to change this and decided to get more involved, which is why I decided to pledge the fraternity. It's been such a crazy experience and I've grown a lot from it, but it opened up a whole can of worms in terms of how I feel about myself. As it was I had a pretty low self-esteem, but it's been tested to the max the past few weeks. I've felt inadequate, unintelligent, incapable, and completely unsuited for the business world. On top of that, I have major issues with being afraid of messing up, so that has been something I've had to deal with a lot.

But I decided that I am NOT going to let those feelings get the best of me. It's times like these that shape us, and conference couldn't have come at a better time. One talk stood out to me the most, and here's part of it:

To me it appears that our splendid sisters sometimes undervalue their abilities—they focus on what is lacking or imperfect rather than what has been accomplished and who they really are.

I believe that as you are faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, as you draw closer to Him in faith, hope, and charity, things will work together for your good. I believe that as you immerse yourselves in the work of our Father—as you create beauty and as you are compassionate to others—God will encircle you in the arms of His love. Discouragement, inadequacy, and weariness will give way to a life of meaning, grace, and fulfillment.
-Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I'm grateful that I have the church to lean on when I need it. It's provided me with comfort during times when I thought it was impossible. I know the hard times will keep rolling in, but at least I know it's for a reason. I can overcome my bad habits, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy. I have the Lord on my side.