Lately I've been soo incredibly grateful for everything I have in my life, and I've been so blessed with little spiritual experiences that have made such a difference. I don't claim to be perfect & I still spend too much time wishing for things I can't change, but overall life is awesome. I've been so excited for of the experiences that my future holds, and it's been such a blessing to have this happiness and excitement. I've really been happy about church and loving the new sunday school class I discovered because it's one that actually holds my attention the whole time (I know they all should but it's just not true).
I thought things were going great, but a few days ago I started having horrible feelings. I became irrationally afraid of everything for basically no good reason. I was completely terrified of things like my house burning down, a family member dying, losing my health, and basically of any trial that could come my way. I didn't want to read my scriptures before I went to bed and I didn't even care about getting homework done. I just wanted to sleep all day and wallow. I tried to sleep it off, but when I woke up the feeling was still there. I had no motivation to go to school, but when I got in the car the CD that I had in there started playing. The day before, Sunday, I had decided I wanted to start listening to church music during the car rides because it's something I usually don't do. When I remembered the CD, I first thought, "there's no way I'm listening to church music on my way to school. That's nerdy and I'm so not in the mood." But for some reason I wanted to see what song it was, so I let it play for a few seconds. The song that came on was exactly what I needed and the words applied so perfectly to what I was going through. I let the music keep playing, and the song after that was just as perfect. The CD I had was extremely scratched and almost every song skipped, but these two songs played perfectly. I'm not one to talk about spiritual things and it feels foreign to me to say things like "the spirit was so strong" and "the lord blessed me", but that's exactly what happened. I felt so loved, and the rest of the day was a really good one. I got my motivation back; even more than what I had before.
Then today was just as amazing. In every class I learned a lot more than I usually do. In accounting I was able to pay attention the whole time without zoning out at the end. In institute we talked about the second coming in pretty good detail, and things like that always make me think really deeply about life. Then, with that still on my mind, we finished watching a movie in sociology about people who are quadriplegic, or in other words who have broken their neck so they are basically paralyzed. Most of them became like this either in a bad accident, usually related to drunk driving, or had some sickness come upon them at a young age. I felt so bad for these people, but it was amazing to see how they had managed to continue living life. It also made me soo grateful for the body I have, and it made me want to take care of it the best that I can. I am NEVER going to drink. Not because "I'm Mormon" (that's such a cop out of an answer), but because I don't want to. It's disgusting, and it's sad that people have to lost their control to be able to have fun. "You booze you looze."
After sociology I had my logic class. I sit next to the same guy and girl every class, but I never really talk to them because they're always talking together. But today it was was just him, and for some reason he started talking to me. We talked about grades, what we were learning, and eventually about his philosophy 101 class he was taking. This then led to a pretty deep conversation about God, and I shared a lot of beliefs that I had. He believed in God too, but it was really cool to be able to talk about it with someone else who wasn't LDS. It was just a really good day.
I'm so grateful for the little moments I get that build my testimony and make me so happy to be LDS. I feel like Satan's out to get me because one moment I can have a wonderful feeling and then in 1 minute it's gone, but I know that I have the most powerful person on my side so no matter what it'll be ok. I'm learning how to measure exactly how big of a deal things really are in the long run, and I'm trying to be less of a drama queen. For example, if I sleep in and miss math I know I shouldn't freak out, yell, and be upset the whole day even if it keeps me from being able to turn in my homework, which is worth 10 points. I know that if it would have been better for me in the long run to be there, I would have woken up in time. These things are very hard for me, but I'm working on it. Faith is so simple, yet so hard, but so worth it. I wish you all happiness and comfort with whatever challenges you have in your lives. Life's tough, but just remember that you can have the strongest helmet, if you choose to.
"Wherever you live on this earth and whatever your life’s situation may be, I testify to you that the gospel of Jesus Christ has the divine power to lift you to great heights from what appears at times to be an unbearable burden or weakness." -Dieter F. Uchtdorf
